thoughts on....

in the discussions board there is at times interesting questions brought up that i want to give a bit more in depth answer to them than its feasible to post on the board ... so i thought id start this section

im also tying it in with just my general thoughts and opinions on various topics
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in answer to ...Does your comment spell disaster?

my thoughts on Grammar both written and spoken.

from chat programs, through blogs and comments sections on web sites you've all seen I'm sure

 the Grammar/Spelling Police/Nazi's 

those insidious people that immediately leap with salivating relish onto any mistakes made in a prior post.

 whether through some insecure need for proof of superiority or perhaps boredom iv no idea. I'm not referring to those who point out the odd mistake or typo hoping to help the poster communicate more clearly, I'm talking about those rabid compulsive egotistical pricks (or indeed prickess's)

and these people arent limited to the Internet either, iv met several folk in real life who approach every conversation is like some sort of messed up sparing match

there is also the inverse... those people that feel the need to pull every one up because they've used a word with more than three syllables, or because they think your being pretentious by speaking or typing the way you were taught to..... pretty much your screwed either way and cant fucking win so why worry about it

I'm one of the guilty ones in so far as grammar and spelling goes. i frequently don't apply the correct punctuation, (sometimes even use deliberate, incorrect punctuation to provide extra emphasis) and my spelling totally sux... however that being said (for me personally) it depends on in what context i am using the text. for casual conversation or light hearted comments i don't regard spelling punctuation or even grammar to be overly important ... words, whether spoken or written, are there merely to express our ideas thoughts feelings and so forth... as long as they accomplish that the rest is just window dressing.

i pretty much approach the spoken language in the same way.... being raised/educated to speak in a very formal manner and quickly realising that it was all very well for an interview or a presentation but a complete waste of time on the street being that

A. a third of the folk didn't know what the hell you were saying

B. your were lumped together with pretentious snott nosed spoiled brats who viewed language as some sort of class divider

C. a third of folk thought they knew what you were saying but didn't really and tried to reply in some sort of mangled variant that was just confusing as hell

and D.  a third of folk knew what you were saying but over half of them were of the type mentioned in B and therefor weren't really worth the bother of talking to anyway

so around the age of 10 i said "Fuck It" and adopted a more casual approach to language and my use of it is pretty much dependant on my mood, topic, situation and who i am talking too.

(most heard rebuke growing up you should speak english correctly... most frequent reply...why? I'm not English I'm Scottish)

my choice to use a less "formal" manner of text is exactly that a (deliberate) choice ... as i think, by its very nature, it conveys a less serious more casual feel. were i to approach every text as though it was an english paper to be graded and it would lose a certain "flow" that can not be accomplished readily by formal "correct" grammar, spelling and punctuation.

if i were writing a letter of complaint, a presentation, applying for a job or wished to stress in some form or another the seriousness of the content then yes i become more formal.. more rigid in my punctuation spelling and grammar.... but that's the point to me the rigid inflexibility invites the reader into a different mind set for reading

our language both spoken and written is a reflection of the variance in life and culture...

different backgrounds use language in different ways. language is wonderful that way its every evolving, a wonderful tapestry of old and new a hybridization of different cultures languages and ideas. new words evolving, old words falling into disuse or even changing their meaning completely ... rarely static and highly personal. the way we write or talk is an invite into the way we think, each of us from different places (not all of us having english as our first language) different backgrounds, different education, different experiences, different priorities and all this is evident in our own very individual use of the language

when reading some one Else's text i generally know nothing about them, i don't know if english is their first language, how old they are, if they have learning difficulties,dyslexia, if they happen to be so depressed that the whole effort of just writing alone is nearly tooooo much of an dammed effort let alone having to apply the effort of writing an "english paper". they may also be too busy to have the time to "correct" everything to the standard of the spelling nazi's. or they simply might not give a damn because they feel that communicating the idea is the important thing and to hell with the rest of the superficial crap

who the hell am i to judge

long and the short of it is

its the idea, the thought, the feeling, the emotion of whats conveyed that's important not how grammatically correct it is. a persons ideas thoughts and feelings are equally valid whether or not they happen to hold a diploma on language.

i would hate to think i had missed out on an interesting entertaining or informing read or conversation merely because their use of the language did not conform to my own and so did not read or listen after the first so called "mistake".

besides to err is human "aint non of uz perfict" ;-) (sorry couldn't resist)

do i use spell check myself ? yes at times, other times i don't.... and sometimes i will even ignore its suggestion when i feel my spelling conveys something that the correct version does not.

so for all you out there who get bullied by the grammar/spelling police or the inverse snobbery brigade

DON'T LET THEM GET TO YOU

language is about communication and by allowing them to get you to the point of being a neurotic mess and breaking out into a cold sweat of panic at the thought of posting anything until you've spent forever running it through spell check 15 times, and have dragged out a thesaurus (no not a alphabetically gifted dinosaur) triple checked against that and/or over simplified to the best of your abilities... who is really interfering with communication, you with an occasional misspelling typo or misuse? or them causing the reluctance in others to post and slowing replies to a snail's pace lest we get caught out at being our imperfect self's

I've always thought that in order to communicate properly both sides had to feel comfortable, trying to provoke insecurity or allowing yourself to feel insecure inhibits that process.

to those compulsive correctors who have just found 500 mistakes in my post and feel the urge to share ... please get some medication ... and to any inverse snobs ... sorry i wasn't born into the exact same circumstances/situation background as you or had the exact same education but hey that's life were not all clones i like it that way

(spelling was only really standardized for the benefit of the printing industry any way prior to that it was a rich hopscotch of assorted haphazard combinations depending on regional dialect and local pronunciation that conveyed so much more about the writer than today's "correct" usage)

 

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in answer to are you pro life

Abortion

I've got to say FOR on this one, as there are far too many circumstances where it would seem the appropriate/just/fair/least selfish thing to do. Being adopted myself (the usual last stand argument against being that the child can always be adopted out) I can say, from the child's point of view, adoption is a very risky business, and does not always work out. Even in the best of circumstances the child is going to be prone to a lot of emotional damage, and all too frequently even worse.

and fostering ends up in all too many cases with the children being used simply as cash cows and/or used for cheap labour/house maids and so forth and that's if they are lucky

I found out I was pregnant during my cancer treatment when it was still not certain we were going to catch it all. I made the decision to abort for the simple reason that had I continued with the pregnancy I couldn't be sure I would be around to care for the child, and I thought that was a very cruel position to put a potential infant in... my boyfriend at the time did not have the kind of family support that he would need to raise an infant should something happen to me.

And before folk scream I should of used protection I was told I couldn't conceive anymore by that point.

Abortion is something you never really get over either, and anti abortionists claim its "the easy option"

i think we manage "punish" ourselves enough with guilt, remorse, grief and so forth enough with out those strange "extremists" yelling in our face... there was a protest going on at the clinic i attended and i had them in my face saying the most appalling things to me,(these people didn't even know me and yet were judging me to be a "selfish callous low life slut") and the by, far younger, than me girls that were there too (ones not hardened by life god knows how much it damaged them) i asked them outright "and if i die of cancer are you personally going to take care of my child?" no takers on that one ohh and there was one genius that pointed out that delaying cancer treatment did not always mean death,,, gee a game of Russian roulette with my life (and my child's) a very realistic attractive proposition.

i seriously wanted to slap the crap out of them... got to admit to being a bad bad evil "selfish callous low life slut" and did resort to spitting on the one's that refused to get out of my face it seemed to work

in response to the thought/idea........... "well I'm not against abortion but it should be regulated"

the trouble with regulations is ... by who's morality are the regulation's made, and why do they feel that their brand of morality is any better than any one else's, its very easy to pass judgment on people if you've (and i mean that collectively not personally) never been in the situation and led a moderately comfortable life, and these are the ones that will be making the decisions..... a harsh fact of life is that.....rapes happens, incest happens, underage sex happens, mistakes happen, failures of birth control happen, and sex is FUN unfortunately so is booze and drugs, and they are never a very good combination but do happen frequently, all the more so if a person is in hellish living circumstances with little of anything else to make life bearable. yes it would be wonderful if every one had the opportunity to or the foresight to tend to birth control .. but this is reality not a mythical wonderful fairy land

the other side with regulation/restrictions imposed is the rising birth rate (who's going to offer to pay for that by the way?)=unwanted and neglected children, are these children to be punished for the mistakes or misdeed's of others? there is already many, many children in foster care and orphanages, and the system would be flooded with more, i hate to cite money when discussing a child's life but how can a country/system possibly afford to care for so many more children in appropriate conditions and a manner that is least lightly to result in them becoming more young adults who suffer from extreme poverty and with a host of emotional problems (the main cause for so many of the un wanted pregnancy in the first place) the system cant even cope now.

irresponsible birth control? ..... that phrase always puzzled me ... do you think its less irresponsible to bring a child into the world that you cant care for? cant afford? and in some cases cant even love?

i also worry that if its ok to dictate who may or may not receive abortions how long before the bright idea of enforced birth control for the mentally ill, or drug addicts (does that sound good to you?... think of the slippery slope)

in response to the argument or idea of........ abortion is ok for once or twice but people often seem to use it as an irresponsible version of birth control frequently getting 3,4 or even more abortions... i do think that the option of counselling should be offered... to help deal with the emotional trauma... to establish if the person is getting abused and if their is a way to help them out of the situation... to educate people over their options... and if drugs or drink abuse is involved to assist them finding a path to fighting that.

the assumption that more than twice means that the person is automatically blamed and labeled and judged that bothers me...when we don't actually know whats going on ...

pregnancy's arising from incest or family contacts can happen more than twice yes its hopeful that the perp gets caught after the first time but its not always the case ...

people who are mentally impaired, mental illness that can impair judgment either temporarily or permanently, the once or twice as a heads up are unfeasible. if your in depths of hell for instance your not capable of making responsible decisions and/or looking to the future .. there is no future why would you even consider it?

the flip side manic euphoria/high.. as far as your concerned the future is what ever the hell you want it to be your super human mistakes cant and wont happen

for instance I'm bipolar, in a manic high i was a bloody raging nymphomaniac (because of chemicals and hormones going nuts, not because i chose to be), whilst in that phase the world was my oyster and nothing could possibly have any consequences cuz hell life was brilliant and everything was going to go just the way i wanted it too and hell i could fly, I'm sure not thinking oh i should be careful because i can get pregnant or get a s.t.d because at the time (thankfully i was lucky and didn't get pregnant in a manic high and even luckier that i didn't contract something), as far as I'm concerned nothing can go wrong thankfully mine is mild and i can restrain myself and not act on the impulses but a lot of folk are worse and try telling some one like that they need protection they would laugh and say what from

even if like me we are sane(ish) most of the time during the "episode" pill's are likely to go flying out the window (if were lucky we wont feel like following them) patches will be torn off, i,u,d's and implants are no good because were apt to forget they are in there or not notice time passing even if we do remember them

......completely off point but this might give you a chuckle.........

(when i first started my cancer treatment (here in America) we actually found an embedded i.u.d in the womb lol. goodness knows how long it was in there but i can assure you it was no fun to remove... on a side note the examination was funny as hell, they were doing an ultra sound and explaining what they saw... there are your ovaries, there's a cluster of cysts, this is your fallopian tube's and theirs your i.u.d .... me "whoa back the hell up my what?? i don't have an i.u.d w.t.f????? " later on (much later) i do seem to recall a dim distant memory of getting it implanted when i was pondering the possibilities of dating after the divorce from my first hubby (way back in the u.k years earlier, yes i had attempted to do the responsible thing however it back fired because of my total lack of memory), whilst getting the thing removed they actually asked me if the uk dr's (government) could of implanted it with out my knowledge and/or consent lmbo... err no i just have the worlds worst memory...........................................................................................

back to the point

there is also control freak husbands who refuse to allow their wife to go on birth control pills .. some are able to secretly take the pill but others are too afraid to try, where as the lucky ones can manage to sneak out to visit a clinic should the unimaginable happen... one days risk of a beating verses 3 weeks of the constant possibility of getting "caught" do the maths.

i personally refuse to judge people that have had more than one abortion on the simple basis that i don't know what the hell is going on in their home life and who the hell amongst us has never made a poor decision what gives any of us the right to judge/condemn any one especially some one that is brave enough to do the responsible thing and chose not to bring a child into the world that they feel they can not care for correctly.

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in answer to.... What was the lowest point in your life?

well if sparky can share that i guess that would make me one gutless wonder if i couldn't... before i do though i feel the need to, not justify because there is no way to do that but to explain the circumstances leading up to the decision....iv been condemned for this by so many people that im a little defensive shall we say.. i cant talk that much about the decision itself it still hurts to much... but the events leading up to it i can... this might take a while... but i will try and make it as entertaining as possible for you......... background is half a mile long and answer is two lines sorry




met my hubby when i was in UK yes on line (yes im an idiot,) came to the states with a view of an extended visit (making sure i had enough money for lodging's and an extended visit for me and the boys if need be) with an idea that if we clicked great if we didn't that was fine too kids and i would still have a nice holiday then just return to the UK (after all hadn't taken and drastic steps of selling up or anything) or i might decide to just move to states any way, things were shit fer me bk in the UK. might of been divorced but ex was still harassing me and the prejudiced against mental illness(bipolar) was terrible there and it looked like my boys were going to have to deal with it too.



we clicked (or so i thought) decided after few months to give it a whirl, invested what was left of my "holiday" in a nice three row van/car (damn that was bliss you ever had three boys in a car for any length of time, i could separate them whoo hoo) he was a little possessive... but hey last hubby was a physically abusive alcoholic asshole, so he didn't seem that bad they were just quirks right? so he liked my hair a certain way he just wanted me to look and feel good right? and wanting me to wear certain clothes it wasn't like he was ordering me too? and him insisting that he handle the paper work for the green card and stuff he just didn't want me to stress out and worry.



year went by he got a little stricter but nowhere near anything i was used too, i was just being over sensitive... then he got diagnosed the Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm. i should mention here he was older... i don't know why but iv always went for guys twice my age...no not a sugar daddy thing iv generally brought in more money than them.. i don't know what the hell it is but younger guys used to just annoy the hell out of me.



any way AAA ticking time bomb needless to say stressed me out to hell, the guy i loved had a really high chance of dying.. didn't help when doctors told us if it burst we had 3 minutes to get him to drs. operations kept getting postponed, they wanted him to improve this about his fitness, or a cold would arise, or other shit it seemed like forever passed and all the time tick tick tick, he had to stop work of course, he got shorter and shorter tempered but hey he was ill hell he could be dying he was stressed and lets face it he was old and i had one real young child and two teens, and there he was stuck in the house... my boys were absolute treasures and such a huge help i seriously don't think i could of made it through with out them the two older ones even did odd jobs gardening for folk and things always on look out for ways to make extra cash and helping me with house when hubby was resting in bed (yes i agree his disapproval of the boys helping me with the house was odd but that was just a generation thing right?)



finally (after practically threatening every one in the neighbor hood if they came near the house id possibly shoot them, to prevent hubby from picking up any more stray illnesses that would postpone the op) the day of the operation drew near hubby.. oh i forgot to mention he was worried that if anything went wrong i wouldn't beable to see to his wishes or to things that needed to be done unless we were married, i was a bit dubious, chance partner might die not really the best of reason to get married but i could see his point, so we did.... any way as the day drew near he got the go ahead on the op, we were all pretty much basket cases by then, again the boys were marvelous even the little one would come up and give me a hug when ever he saw i was upset



up till that point i have never been so scared in my entire life... even when hubby one was beating the crap out of me.. that was nothing to this... after the op seeing him on the bed ashen drawn he looked like he was dead... wires, tubes, flashing lights all this fucking machinery shit kept beeping in alarms id freak the hell out but a nurse would calmly walk in check a chart and just reset what ever it was then calmly walk back out... even now it just scares the crap out of me looking back on it.. odd that bizarre in fact (and yes possibly proof im completely messed up in the head)



he came through it all not exactly with flying colors but after several months of recoup (near a year from start to finish) over which time he got more controlling, but hey hed been through hell, he was still weak, frustrated, hed faced death for gods sake i could cut him some slack. over short amount of time id pretty much given up on attempting to have friends he didn't care for it was just too much crap beside's iv generaly been hermitism any way most my friends were more for the kids benefit than me (play dates and look kids its good to socialize kinda thing) i was starting to get to tired fer that crap any way ... it had been stressful as hell time bound to take it out of you huh what with the house, the kids, the stress, still not hearing anything from immigration, hubby getting ever and ever more irritable,money worries you'd have to be bloody super woman to keep up with all that crap hell come to that i had been fairly knackered since the stress of the first hubby and the divorce lol



finally hubby gets all clear.. about a month i pop down to a well woman clinic, abdomen was playing up, got a smear, abnormal, had difficulty getting further tests cuz STILL NO GREEN CARD therefor also no ss number. hubby charmed dr and they worked it through his ss number finally ... would of loved to see the paperwork on that one MR Blahblah>>>smears and cervical exam... not sure how they managed to pull that one off lol but they did... dysplasia cyn 3, several arguments later (me threatening to flatten a dr when they said they couldn't help because i had no ss number) it was finally discovered that hey they found it they had to treat it ...



was wider spread than they thought ... lets adapt a leep procedure so we can slice out a greater area reducing need for larger procedure, cool idea...... hmm now weere up to carcinoma insitua 1.. but thats ok its not full blown cancer unless it covers area greater than 50 cents and is laying below a certain depth in the flesh ..we will cold cone it... by which time my hubby is freaking the hell out, iv started dropping weight, abdominal pains getting worse..im supposed to be on bed rest because leep procedure weren't designed to remove so much so every time i sneeze im blowing the cauterization out.....bedrest whilst simultaneously tidying house cooking his meals and looking after the kids .. neat trick

he's missing sleep because i have to keep popping down to local e.r to get them to make it to stop, or because i really cant take the abdominal pain any more...sheets are getting ruined general mayhem all over and my boys are really starting to resent this guy.. they also are freaking out because they are scared to death of what will happen to mum despite me telling them its nothing its not full blown.



say the c word every body freaks and the person thats got it has to console and reassure ever one



but no its not connected to this it must be just ovarian cysts and they don't always hurt.. gee reassuring so fucking glad to hear they don't always damn well hurt that really fucking helps.... hubby telling me hes scared im going to die and hes going to be left with three boys... hes turning into a tyrant (but hey hes stressed right hes been through lot lately and now this) hes started getting verbally abusive



cold cone later... nope were still finding it, the usual arguments about ss number still no dammed word from immigration, hubby... beginning to suspect he hadn't even filled in the damned paperwork...the usual you found it you got to treat it with back up from... were going to do key hole on abdomen see where the pain is coming from...no were not...yes we are... no were not...right were defiantly going to do another cold cone and whilst your getting that going to take a look at ovaries and see bout the pain.... ohh and my medical records keep getting changed the carcinoma insitua 1 suddenly becomes simple dysplasia, iv had tests that iv never had, and not had tests that i have had...but only with certain dr's ??? w.t.f MAKE YOUR GOD DAMMED MINDS UP



mid winter ... hubby flipping the hell out were getting to the point that were wondering if the drs might kill me rather than any illness... im going out for walks in snow drifts to escape from his hounding because the house wasn't tidy enough, or his supper wasn't good enough, the plates weren't clean enough, he was horny and i was on a sex ban. boys and i had eaten earlier and not waited to eat with him when his shift end at midnight and he didn't like eating alone.

iv stopped making excuses by now hes an arrogant, self, centered son of a bitch bully and had i know when he had the AAA id of been giving him coal sacks to carry and i seriously believe he didn't turn in any paper work to the immigration and i think it was simply so i had no where else to go when i eventually realized what an asshole he was. of course my view point might of been tainted because i was a bit stressed out.



i start bleeding heavy again, bk to bed rest, he flips out cuz i cant make his supper argument ensues.. i try to walk away he follows, i go back to my snow drift walks, get back he starts again. i empty a half drank coffee into his face.. no i didn't throw the cup (though it was bloody tempting) he flips out throws me on the bed against the wall starts bashing my head off it punching kneeing me in the abdomen, yanking on my scalp.. kinda shocked at the time so i didn't really do anything, after all here was the guy who was appalled at the behavior of my ex, here he was doing pretty much the same shit...(is there something about me ???yea i know i shouldn't of thrown coffee in his face)



bugger knows how much later he stops... i get up walk to the living room slowly (and im very proud of this part) i turn around as i get to the door and tell him he hits like a girl then walk into the living room with out another backward glance (hell between ex hubby and martial arts training i can take a punch, doesn't mean they don't hurt like hell but i can choose not to react to them.. thank you chi) he didn't follow me



next day he swept into the house after work and proudly proclaimed he'd found another woman who would take care of him properly.. good riddance he was the biggest cancer in my life any way... turned out it was all in his head though .. some waitress had been flirting with him every day and told him if he ever needed anything to call on her... he'd taken her at her word.. apparently she was not amused when he turned up bags in hand he ended up at his sisters and the small town where we kinda lived (we were few miles out from it) and where he worked had much mirth



no money getting kinda stressed, kids took up going to church a while back, boys are earning what they can and church turns up with food very very very nice of them ,,, very humiliating (for more reasons than the obvious one but thats a different blogg) but very very nice of them especially as i wasn't a church goer..... cant live like this for ever but lets get the health sorted... mutual friend helps out getting me to and from appointments... both hubby frowned on idea of me ever learning to drive.



get told need his signature fer some paper work fer cold cone (which still hasn't been done yet) to go ahead, he comes around for one of his torment sessions and i ask him, he tells me to go die long slow agonizing death on a street corner... i tell him before i gave satisfaction id take a bottle pills.. police phones suicide attempt claimed.. had enough im going next door till hes gotten the hell out of there.. cops turn up tell me to stop right there W.T.F ITS ILLEGAL TO GO FOR A FUCKING COFFEE???????

im not in good mood so tell cop to go to hell im going for a coffee if he want to talk he can follow me.... HE PULLS A GUN ON ME SERIOUSLY I MEAN WHAT THE HELL A FUCKING GUN ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? i told him what he could do with the gun and he didn't take it very well (bear in mind in the UK we pretty routinely tell the cops to fuck off if they are interfering in something thats non of their business)



im sitting in the back of the police car ...hands cuffed behind my back.... cops rectum still being gun free... kids have ran off and grabbed the (neutral) family friend in the hope she can calm mental mum down because by now mental mum is practically foaming at the mouth in unadulterated anger... A FUCKING GUN????????????HANDCUFFS?????? damn you breed nice strong courageous cops here i was going for a coffee for gods sake



not sure how she managed it but friend persuaded the cop not to arrest me .. not sure what the charge would be ... arrested for resisting a non arrest? or failure to kiss the cops ass? they couldn't arrest me for being under the influence of coffee cuz i still hadn't fucking had one....



uncuffed finally fried decided might be wiser if i were to stay at hers for a while (and possibly wished to chain me to a wall to stop me getting into trouble lol,no she didn't do that ) but the boys and i did go to hers..... treatment finally went on, with out his signature after all so piss on him... its progressed from carcinoma to cancer in the underlying tissue... ohhh you mean from the carcinoma that wasn't there cuz it transformed into dysphasia in the records for half of you .. its progressed from that has it?.. err yes.. ohh and they didn't do the bloody key hole..... no explanation why



kids are freaking scared to death how the hell am i going to reassure them everything will be ok??.. treatment and assorted fight arguments and threats have been going on a year.. im bouncing between the house and my friends place.. one hospital visit he nipped in and got electric cut off.. iv got no money, no income... tried to get temp foster care for the kids but hey guess what not citizen so cant help ya... yer just one of those dirty rotten scum bags of an illegal alien go back to where you come from .... fine GIVE ME THE MONEY FOR FOUR FUCKING TICKETS THEN.....well ok they weren't that blunt but you get the gist



landlord says cant stay at house anymore .. obviously no income=no rent=no utilities (not that i could of gotten them with out ss number any way) no idea whats happening with health drs are we'll treat you, we wont, we will, we wont, carcinom, cancer, dysplasia, carcinoma, cancer, dysplasia.. im scared to hell about the kids, i cant take care of them money wise, emotional wise i cant comfort them cuz their scared to death too, and physically ... i have an active 5 year old.. im down to 99 pound.. im so weak by now i can barely do bugger all and still getting the pain



couple from the church offer to adopt them............ good for kids but i die inside / hmm mom no money,no home, still not knowing if can get health fixed or how long it will take and a general all round fuck up v's security, ss number, home, two parents who not only arnt fuck ups but are fairly stable and in good health ... use your imagination on the rest cuz i cant go there yet. one day perhapes
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in answer too Late regretsWhat things, good or bad, do you wish you had told somebody before they died?

year after hubby told me he hoped the cancer would kill me and his biggest hope was that die alone pennyless on a street corner somewhere, he got cancer and died ... and im still alive and kicking, and yes i know im a mean evil bitch but i laughed like hell when i was told... talk about natural justice... so mainly i would of liked to of said ..."ha ha you sick evil bastard how does it feel?" see above answer for more complete picture.

2. What is the best thing you can bake/cook: in my youth i used to cook rather interesting brownies

3. What household chore is your least favorite? ill go with the all of them answers... other than that washing down my dragon collection is a massive pain in the ass damn things are dust magnets

(and here's some i made earlier)

(actually seeing as they are a flour/plaster mix can i use it for the baking question too i wonder)

4. If you could bring three things to a deserted island, what would they be? can the things be people? stephen fry for company and conversation johnny depp for something else entirely and a life time supply of paper.
if people dont count.. life time supply of coffee.. life time supply of smokes.. and the life time supply of paper

5. What's the next big thing you are thinking about splurging on? trip to visit my boys who are scattered about ohio.
6. Post a current photo, if you wish to be elusive, and abstract of closeup will do just fine..... i hate my photo being taken i have very few snap shots my profile pic with the hat is about the most current..
(looking for a more recent one as we speak)

(dont suppose this is recent enough?)

8. If you could have ANY pet EVER, what/who would it be? Realistically? iv had so many odd pets its difficult to pick.. if the choice were to be one iv not yet owned .. a black panther



Unrealistically? a dragon

1. Who is your favorite musician/band and why? hmm my tastes are kinda varied and who i like pretty much depends on my mood... for overall versatility i guess id have to go with marillion... because no matter my mood they generally have something appropriate

2. What is the best thing you can bake/cook: in my youth i used to cook rather interesting brownies

3. What household chore is your least favorite? ill go with the all of them answers... other than that washing down my dragon collection is a massive pain in the ass damn things are dust magnets

(and here's some i made earlier)

(actually seeing as they are a flour/plaster mix can i use it for the baking question too i wonder)

4. If you could bring three things to a deserted island, what would they be? can the things be people? stephen fry for company and conversation johnny depp for something else entirely and a life time supply of paper.
if people dont count.. life time supply of coffee.. life time supply of smokes.. and the life time supply of paper

5. What's the next big thing you are thinking about splurging on? trip to visit my boys who are scattered about ohio.
6. Post a current photo, if you wish to be elusive, and abstract of closeup will do just fine..... i hate my photo being taken i have very few snap shots my profile pic with the hat is about the most current..
(looking for a more recent one as we speak)

(dont suppose this is recent enough?)

8. If you could have ANY pet EVER, what/who would it be? Realistically? iv had so many odd pets its difficult to pick.. if the choice were to be one iv not yet owned .. a black panther



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MY THOUGHTS ON

Unrealistically? a dragon

1. Who is your favorite musician/band and why? hmm my tastes are kinda varied and who i like pretty much depends on my mood... for overall versatility i guess id have to go with marillion... because no matter my mood they generally have something appropriate

Inaccurate Reporters

full story here

if you don't like to read ranting or swearing i suggest you read no further.... my apologies to you

but I AM FUCKING PISSED its articles like this that make it so bloody difficult for folk with bipolar

ok this was written by some one who apparently knows nothing about the disorder nor could be bothered going to the effort of taking 5 min's to read about it

...................................................

"Robert Pattinson claims he is manic-depressive

Published: July 09, 2010 Carolin W.

Robert Pattinson is the object of desire for thousands of girls around the world. The sexy ‘Twilight’ star has oodles of fans following his every step, with many keen for an opportunity to see, touch or speak to the actor in person, let alone the ultimate dream come true: a date with Robert Pattinson.

Admiring the 24-year-old English actor from a distance might be a cleverer option,"

.....................................................

SO YOU HAVE TO BE A FUCKING GOD DAMMED IDIOT TO HOOK UP WITH ANY ONE WITH BIPOLAR? THANKS FOR SHARING THAT

......................................................

as Robert has recently revealed he believes he is manic-depressive, a condition he feels has a huge negative impact on his relationships.

While he has never been officially diagnosed, Robert is convinced his mood swings and bouts of depression mean he suffers from the illness, otherwise known as bipolar disorder.

People suffering from bipolar usually experience mood swings like going from completely irritated to sad and then returning to normal"

.....................................................

OH FUCKING REALLY? WELL IM SURE AS HELL IRRITATED NOW AND ITS GOT JACK SHIT TO DO WITH BIPOLAR....SAD IS THAT ALL IT IS WELL FUCK  WHY DIDNT SOME ONE TELL ME THATS ALL IT WAS
CUZ DAMM THAT WILL MAKE IT SO MUCH EASIER TO UNDERSTAND NEXT TIME I FEEL LIKE FUCKING KILLING MYSELF OR SLICING UP AN ARM. WAY TO GO FOR HELPING WITH UNDERSTANDING IM SURE THIS WILL HELP LOTS OF FOLK AROUND BIPOLAR SUFFERERS UNDERSTAND IT SO MUCH MORE

......................................................

"This does not happen on a daily basis, as there are periods of normal mood in between. Along with unusual shift in mood, a person also feels low on energy, activity levels are low and so is the ability to carry out daily chores. Bipolar is one of the hardest mental illnesses to diagnose and treat. An interesting fact about bipolar is that many of its sufferers abuse alcohol, prescription medication and illegal substances."

......................................................

 IM SURE AS HELL FEELING AN UNUSUAL SHIFT IN MOOD NOW .... W.T.F THERE IS ALSO A HELL LOT OF FOLK OUT THERE ABUSING ALCOHOL/SCRIPTS/AND ILLEGAL DRUGS THAT ARE NOT BIPOLAR, THERE IS ALSO A LOT OF FOLK WITH BIPOLAR THAT DO NOT ABUSE ANYTHING... WAY TO GO SPREAD THE FEAR

......................................................

blah blah blah not copying the rest

....................................................

SO IN SUMMARY SHES TELLING FOLK THAT.... IF YOU DATE A PERSON WITH BIPOLAR YOUR A FUCKING IDIOT .... THAT THEY ONLY GET A LITTLE BIT SAD .... BUT THAT THIS IN TURN CAUSES US TO TURN INTO SOME RAGING DRUG CRAZED ALCOHOLIC AND ALL THIS MISINFORMATION BECAUSE SOME PONCE  (PROBABLY LOOKING FOR PRESS) THINKS HE MAYBE, MIGHT BE, POSSIBLY BIPOLAR.... OR NOT...........GEE NICE JOB LETS GIVE HER A PULITZER PRIZE

LIKE ITS NOT DIFFICULT ENOUGH DEALING WITH THE PREJUDICES AND FEAR AGAINST BIPOLAR AND THE TOTAL LACK OF COMPASSION AND UNDERSTANDING OF THE DISORDER

here's an intresting fact about reporters who cant be bothered researching any facts in a story THEY DONT KNOW THEIR ARSE FROM THEIR ELBOW

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MY THOUGHTS ON

my latest obsession

iv been wondering lately about this odd compulsion to cyber stalk poor Mr Stephen Fry(other than the obvious fact that hes one of the few celebrities that actually has anything interesting to say)

well ok cyber stalk is possibly too strong a term to use

but certainly a desire to keep an eye out for his twitters as they get sent out, and check out his sites

(no the term "sites" is not a euphemism)

after all its not really that like me to get all that worked up about celebrities so how could i rationalize it

then it struck me .....

its bloody food ... im equating the poor bugger with food lol

no not because the name reminds me of a bloody good fry up

but because his posts are usually around midnight my time

thats around my lunch time

(yes im that screwed up )

i have a terrible habit of forgetting to eat

especially when i get to painting or working online

and Stephens' tweets around the appropriate time of the night

are more regular than a Buddhist monk on an All Bran diet

very, very convenient

(well..... its the only picture iv ever did of a buddha and i couldnt resist adding it here)

so, although he'll never get to read this ... my thanks to Mr Stephen Fry

for your tweeting and reminding me its time to get off my ass and eat

of course this means i can also blame him when i start to gain too many extra pounds

hmm if he ever stops tweeting will i just fade away

_____________________________________________________

so

a while back.........

my fella and i both knew we needed a new computer,

(well actually we need more than one...)

mainly because the old one is ... well bloody old .. and its on off switch is a cotton bud (un-used of course...)

not to mention the fact that half of its keys have fallen off, (and fallen some where behind the dash board of the truck) and i seriously cant be bothered fixing it any way right now any way.

 as far as programing goes it has so many conflicts going on that im pretty sure its now suffering from either split personalities, or post traumatic stress disorder (depending on which phase its in) its battery long ago decided sod this for a game of soldiers im going on strike.

(all though to be fair its still in better nick than the prior computer where i was reduced to cutting up a baked bean can to reinvent the pin and housing for the power supply, amazing what you can do with a pair of scissors some old wire and a can.. and i didnt even need any stick backed plastic... of course its duct tape hinges were far neater than the pin and added an instant classic touch)

am i trained in this shit ??? errr no lol does it show? ;-)

to be fair i dont usually use such odd repair practices as cotton buds and baked beans cans but when your in a pinch you work with what you have... usually ill use the proper parts when i can get hold of them ..

of course being that im self taught this means i connect the thingamajig to the whatsit and then solder onto the thingamabob... using this method iv built two computers from the ground up... and Frankensteined another couple... not to mention repairs on other

now what to get what to get .... one that has a certain durability obviously ....

one can be a low grade backup just email and simple surf kinda thing pretty much any basic run of the mill kinda thing will do ... except i hate the way HP is put together because its bloody inconvenient for me to spit and bail wire it if i have too... and i tend to be able to find less interchangeable spare parts when needed

the other though

needs to be able to handle three d wire world sculpting environments and breeze through blender and daz

i work a lot of graphics and im sick of computers going into shock when im juggling between several high end graphics programs.. basic cheap run of the mill wont do ... im thinking either a decent standard gaming computer or just bloody build one to spec.

at this point were not certain which were getting but leaning towards the most expensive one first

(ok the cheap basic one won first)

now ... on to bossy people

... so my fella mentions to some particularly controlling folk we know were thinking of buying a computer ... and hes immediately told by a guy that hasnt even mastered spell check or instant messaging what computer he absolutely has to buy ...

and the guy (lets call him Mr A)gets quite stroppy about it too lol  .. despite me pointing out the fact that in order to recommend a computer to some one you do actually need to know what they are going to be using said computer for... and seeing as Mr A hadnt even bothered inquiring about that... how the hell could he get stroppy if we didnt agree with his choice... ohh but apparently some site said that this particular type was the best to get .... ohh k ... try pointing out to this type of person .. (one) you dont know whos hands are in whos pockets with sites... and (two) the site is working on the assumption that the operator is only going to be surfing and emailing... and (three) they are also operating on the assumption that your never going to fix or upgrade the damned thing yourself...   and (four) unless its a high end gaming or graphics site i really dont give a flying fuck what they recommend.

the result in this case was a rather sad attempt at sarcasm in the form of an email from Mr A's allie Miss B and how in her informed opinion Mr A was actually correct and she should know because shes hooked up a network...

 ... lol well shit why didnt you tell me you actually were able to run a prewritten program and follow its instructions correctly cuz damn that just totally overwhelms any experience i have, i mean the fact i can actually write fucking programs and build goddamn computers is piss all in comparison ... (granted i havent written any in years and i have to play catch up on the new crap but thats totally besides the point) any way apparently her work use these computers and so of course she knows what shes talking about ... ooookkkk but unless you happen to be working in an animation studio whatever you use at work is totally bloody irrelevant ... because STILL the point remains IT DEPENDS ON THE WHAT THAT COMPUTERS BEING USED FOR ... computers are tools like any other frigging tool you need the right one for a specific job.. you also need one that isnt going to have a melt down when you install blender, daz, paintshop pro, and so forth into it and can run them simultaneously .... with out having time to grab a coffee between each clicked edit .

i mean seriously .... i dont know much about computers (and iv forgotten a lot of what i did know) im no expert and compared to all the computer geeks out there im a bloody retard but for christ sake dont try and bully me into buying what you want.... when you can barely figure out emailing and when your sole bloody qualification is you can run a fucking program and do what it tells you to do geeeeeze... especially if you dont even know enough about computer to realise that what computer you need depends on what you are going to be useing it for.

any way to cut long story short (what do you mean to late) my fella went and got the kind they recommended lol

mz cotton bud candy (yes my putes get name's) had decided to go into a temporary conflict coma

and my fella decided to dash out for a new one

(i think the fact i was going insane with boredom, climbing the walls, frothing at the mouth and yelling at mz cotton bud candy might of hastened his decision)

although he says he didnt allow Mr A to bully him it to his choice... it was just a case that it happened to be the cheapest there .. now hes stuck with a computer that hes already outgrown (hes getting into gaming now and the computers already developing a nervous tic)

(on a side not you will be happy to know mz cotton bud candy came out of her coma the next day)

moral of the story DO YOUR RESEARCH DONT LISTEN TO IDIOTS AND ALLOW FOR THE POSSIBILITIES OF NEEDING MORE preferably before you actually need to run out and buy one fast because your old one died in a puff of neurotic smoke

next savings go to my computer ... im thinking custom, but ....  if you do actually know something about high graphics capability in computers and have a suggestion for a particular make/model im open to ideas. something easily accessible with easily obtained parts for preference