about me

Exper......experiment (because i don't know what the fuck I'm doing) experience (because most on here will be derived from my own experiences)
E......E The number e is irrational, (so seemed to fit well with the whole feel of me)
it is also transcendental (which i kinda like)
Mental.... self evident (because i am)
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THE WIDOW


I'm new to all this "blogging" stuff and, i have to admit completely lost to the point of it. famous personalities i can almost understand, keeping their fan base updated and throwing out little nuggets of personal info to make the whole "fan" thing seem ... well ... for want of a better word more personal. the illusion of a personal link or relationship.

 but......

us here normal every day run of the mill folk i have to ask why??? who the heck cares what my thoughts are, what I'm pondering or doing at any given time. I'm pretty sure folk have better things to do than to read my rambling writings.


of course so saying that i follow the odd blog myself but hey I'm nut's so hey what do i know
so....

i thought id give it a try
??????but what the hell do i write about??????


i guess an introduction is a good place to start
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hi... I'm me







nothing special just ordinary normal, average, every day kinda a person


(except for the fact I'm completely insane that is)

amongst other things i am a sorta kinda half arsed starving artist
for the most part i generally don't bother with accomplishing fine higher end of things

and just arse about with silly stuff,

(my fun funky fairy :-) other wise known as ethereal myst)
mainly because...




if i were to paint to the best i can do, id have a load of half decent paintings laying around and no excuse to not go out into that horrible nasty world out there and try and sell them... bugger that


did i mention I'm pretty much a hermit?
that's not to say that i haven't sold b.t.w (although usually its some one else sells for me)


iv got various sculptures/ornaments/paintings/murals scattered around Scotland, England, France, Germany and the States and goodness knows where else the others have got to (this shit is better travled than me, is it wrong to envy your own paintings siiigh)

occasionally ill even paint portraits too


(though usually only if I'm under threat of eviction or a utility being cut off)
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i was diagnosed with bipolar in my teens




which depending on what country you live usually elicits the reaction of "AAARRRrrrrggghh run away run away"... or if you are lucky enough to live in U.S.A (as i do now) elicits the reaction of "ohh really so do i cool"




as with a lot of folk with bipolar i also attempt to write poetry (rather badly)
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Shortly after leaving the UK and moving to the states i was diagnosed with cervical cancer


(fantastic timing huh as most of you know I'm sure, u.k free health care U.S.A you better hope you've gotten insurance , i didn't)


that was to say the least, an interesting time but a whole other blog as it were,
any way after 2 years of rather harrowing treatment......




this year I'm 5 years clear whoot whoo





(hmmm actually they are kinda pretty a painting possibility perhaps )

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(a little something to lighten the mood)





did this for my grandson
(yes i am that old)





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any way not much else to say i was born in Dundee Scotland kinda bounced around the UK for a while then moved to the states with my 3 boys,

my daughter still lives in the u.k
(again the story of the decision to move is a whole other blog)


i bought my tickets prior to 9/11... the flight was not long after 9/11... a nervouse time for flying...my timing of things really sux huh
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I'm blessed with possibly the worst memory on the planet


i say blessed because i love to learn.... and being that i forget shit after anywhere between 3 weeks to 5 min's after i learned it, it means later i can learn it all over again ;-)



i usually tell folk i have a great memory except for places, faces,facts,figures,appointments and names
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i do have a web site I'm working on


as a child i used to have fun with program coding (yea i was one of those sad gits, i was also an avid martial artist though
 so i was the kind of sad git that could really seriously kick butt if any one was silly enough to point out the fact that i was, in actual fact, a rather sad git)


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over the years though i had gotten away from programming and of course being me that meant i forgot it all aaarrrrgh,
but lately i decided to relearn from scratch urrrgh
(damn things have changed a lot since then)
i also decided to build a web site (as i had done before) but this time with out cheating and using a builder but instead by doing it all in code, and to all you kids out there yea yea i know that sounds easy enough, but you try learning in d.o.s then having to try and figure out that java isn't remotely connected to coffee or even a small cake/cookie/biscuit
the jaffa cake
talking of cookies.....well you can guess the disaster with the crumbs at my first attempt


this is the results of that experiment so far
(no not the cookie experiment)
"my site"
I'm also on
(but i forgot my password and had to create a new account today :-( because i also forgot the password to the email account i used to open it)
and my most recent foray into cyber world.....
stalking Mr Stephen fry on
twitter
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well ok stalking is perhaps a strong word but i happened to read he twittered and got kinda curious about the whole thing, and figured id follow his twitters as he is after all a rather admirable inspirational person .... the world is turning into a very strange thing and I'm starting to feel rather old ;-)
well that's me, i have for now ran out of things to say
.... what do you mean thank god for that?????....sheeese
hope to chat to you all soon
(providing i remember i have a blog, and also remember the account details that is)
thank you for reading


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The Widow



The wid0w spins her silken web
Beauty between fine gossamer thread
Frost drapes like diamonds, glistening in the dusk
Enticing… provoking… curiosity a must



Though many see not the shinning array
See not the warning the cold frost does display
Flying tangled into clinging weave
Allowing shinning smile to deceive



Wrapped in silken sheets they end their strife
As the wid0ws fangs sink in… to end their life
Then on to the next…



“Come… pray let us tarry a while”
The wid0w turns with sparkling frosted smile



Seeking sustenance for heart, body and mind
The wid0w seeks to feed on all she finds
Romance, love, passion… hunger all end the same
Life near the wid0w a dangerous game



Remember as her fangs reach to feed upon your heart
The wid0ws love is always dark
Brings pain and death to all who seek
Poisson lurking below exterior meek



A tender husband, love to seek in the dark
But tender of flesh… not of the heart
For sustenance the wid0w lusts true
Who shall feed her next? … Be it you?



But who is caught tightest in this web of style
Be it the prey? The lover? The wid0w with frosted smile?
If death comes to all who tarry along
Tis a lonely smile a lonely song

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My Fella
My Fella has pointed out that hes not been mentioned on my blog
(i guess i have a tendency to separate my life up into little sections)



so here is an honorable mention for my fella
he first proposed to me on the top of a Ferris Wheel
(i had to say yes because he was threatening to let go of my ankles at the time if i didnt agree)


he really is here through sickness and in health... poor fellas been put through the mill with my health
hes a non control freak, non abusive, not giving a damn if i can currently tidy the house or not kinda guy
(he wanted me to point that out given my usual comments concerning hubby's lol)

he is also very understanding of bipolar and all its phases
(oddly enough my last hubby objected to the manic high/nymphomania stage the most, this one doesnt mind the mania but not keen on the nymph bit either... men are so odd i thought theyd like that bit)

i tell folk that one of his best assets is that when we met he didnt give a damn if i were to live or die... that makes him sound evil sod huh .. but what i mean by that is ... he didnt mind investing his emotions in me before i got the all clear from cancer
(one my hubbys comments when he attempted a reconciliation was "i left because i was scared you'd die and id be left with the boys and funeral cost's.... way to win my heart back lol )
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1. If you could spend the rest of your life doing only one thing, what would that be? writing best seller novels perhaps ;-) ? nah seriously finding a cure for bipolar (not for me so much as for those that dont want it) oh you meant things im actually capable of ?sleeping count?

 
 

1. Who is your favorite musician/band and why? hmm my tastes are kinda varied and who i like pretty much depends on my mood... for overall versatility i guess id have to go with marillion... because no matter my mood they generally have something appropriate



2. What celebrity annoys you the most and why? unless any of them decide to stalk me cant really say any of them annoy me per say


3. What has been your biggest letdown lately?
myself

4. Worse job you have ever had and why?
sculpting "blanks" for a gardening company... hired me for creativity and imagination but kept wanting me to do bloody boring inane standard shit "ivy leaves? frigging ivy leaves and you kidding me???"

6. Guilty pleasures? Spill. buying art/craft supplies

7. The last argument you had with someone - what was it about? my fellas father... pretty much told him he was a pretentious, pompass over bearing bully, and a control freak who didnt scare me in the slightest
(i was nice enough to dedicated a poem to him though)
second pass over the horses ass

the bridge ruins lay bathed in darkness. dark shadows dance across the stagnant waters below.
crumbling stone fall into the shallows
splashing stank stains onto the horses ass carved into the stone

beyond the horizon the heather grows
awaiting the sunrise and all it bestows
free from refrain in the wind thats blown
and in the distance the sound of the solitary phone




(scratching your head?.. surname bridge)


8. What would be something you would NEVER do, even if someone paid you a shit ton of money?




.... pretend to be some ones friend
2. What is the best thing you can bake/cook: in my youth i used to cook rather interesting brownies

3. What household chore is your least favorite? ill go with the all of them answers... other than that washing down my dragon collection is a massive pain in the ass damn things are dust magnets (and here's some i made earlier)

(actually seeing as they are a flour/plaster mix can i use it for the baking question too i wonder)


4. If you could bring three things to a deserted island, what would they be? can the things be people? stephen fry for company and conversation johnny depp for something else entirely and a life time supply of paper.
if people dont count.. life time supply of coffee.. life time supply of smokes.. and the life time supply of paper

5. What's the next big thing you are thinking about splurging on? trip to visit my boys who are scattered about ohio.

6. Post a current photo, if you wish to be elusive, and abstract of closeup will do just fine.....
i hate my photo being taken i have very few snap shots my profile pic with the hat is about the most current..

(looking for a more recent one as we speak)
(dont suppose this is recent enough?)


Unrealistically? a dragon


8. If you could have ANY pet EVER, what/who would it be? Realistically? iv had so many odd pets its difficult to pick.. if the choice were to be one iv not yet owned .. a black panther

















10 comments:

  1. Widow wow your Blog has blown me away.Blessing's with your cancer clean.So I am tired I will be back,and to share my Blog that I started tonight.
    tAKE CARE.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I came
    I swaw
    I read
    I liked
    I remain

    NN aka Pammy

    ReplyDelete
  3. ohhhh i should keep a check on things better huh didnt think to check comments on this page sorry

    hanna thank you for both your words and sentiment my best wishes follow you
    (looks like i may of jumped the gun a bit on the 5 year, it was looking like official but they recalled me whilst i was on holiday grrr, probly still clear but they want more tests)

    hey there beans visit went fantastic the hangovers though were not so cool ;-)

    lol jampot thank you

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  4. Ahh but,being my latest victim, you have to say that to survive ;-)

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  5. Cool blog. I often figure that bipolar must be better than unipolar. *sigh* Lookin' for tiny moments of sunshine in the dark.

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  6. glad you like
    lol dont go wishing fer bipolar ;-) we often make the most of it, but...the highs though, alas, frequently do more damage than the lows can,and when you feel good you have to keep very tight hold on yerself in case you tip over into mania so you dont really get to relax and just "enjoy"

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  7. Disclaimer: my comments are purely my own opinion

    "we" shouldn't label ourselves as bipoles.
    what is normal? "we" are specially equipt to see/react to the world differently, make different connections. We live deliberately. my "label" is bipole with ADHD (I
    read enough to recognize "myself") I've long since stopped trying to fit the "normal" profile (way way too many pills)... and I have had more than my share of the spectrum (which I'm hoping to blog). I am who I am. We are who we are. and its OK.

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  8. i totally agree too many folk like to cram us all into little boxes with labels on them
    i have a disorder however i am not the disorder, i am me
    sooner or later we all end up in a (wooden)box its way to soon to jump into another one now

    ReplyDelete