the bipolar granny

so the day draws nearer fer my trip to see the boys and of course some grand kids too

and im told im about to become a grandmother again ...
(but hush and keep your lips sealed cuz its a secret and im not allowed to tell any one, so naturally i decided if i wasnt allowed to tell any one id announce it on the world wide web instead)

iv never really been the overly affectionate sort ... even with my own kids, i mean yes it goes with out saying i loved them but i was never one for the gushy crap ... bonding time with my family was us all heading down to the dojo.

 play time was either going out back and kicking the crap out of each other (no not like that... sparing training) or wrestling each other...

with a side order of jumping out from behind corners and scaring the crap out of each other. (we all decided we better calm down on that though after a few of their friends wet themselves)

im not very experienced at this grandmother shit .. previously my oldest grandchild was half way across the world so things were fairly limited to phone calls... the grandchild i happened to be on the same continent as is only a baby,

 but now iv got these two ready made partially pregrown grand kids .. little lass and a little lad who are, of course, where im about to go stay for two weeks ... and they are expecting some sort of "grandma" to turn up ...

hmmmm IV GOT NO FRIGGING IDEA WHAT THE HELL IM MEANT TO DO

did i mention that with the exception of my own kids im one of those folks that dont actually like kids in general? .. dont get me wrong i dont actively dislike them (so long as they are behaved) i just for the most part dont understand the little buggers.. even when i was a kid myself i didnt understand the little sods.. they are kind of ok if they happen to be into art, music or martial arts it gives me a starting point but other than that i seriously am quite happy being no where near kids..

which is odd cuz the little buggers seem to love hanging about me ... (i think its because either they are the spawn of satan and actively seek out those that dont like them, or ..., they are like some sort miniature cult determined to "win" me over, .. or it could be because i talk to them pretty much the same way as i do to adults..... seriously why do people talk to kids like they are bloody mentally deficient???i hated that as a kid and dammed sure i wouldn't inflict it on one)

 i have some dim recollections of my child hood of grey haired grannys with bags of sweets and a carpet bag full of "goodies"..
i seriously dont fit the bill on any accounts im guessing nowadays turning up with a bag of penny chews and the latest copy of a spiderman or beano comic is probably not the recipie fer success that it used to be so what the hell is the equivalent today???

now its all very well folk saying to me just be your self but .. iv got to pretend to be sane... be some sort of grandma creature .. ohh and above all remember to not fucking swear.. (or at least keep it to the minimum) my kids and i use the phrase "you little fucker" as a term of endearment ... im guessing that wouldnt go over very well with two partially pre grown grand kids .. and im kinda guessing that takeing them out back fer a good kicking wouldnt go over as well as it used to with my own kids either.. and weve all learned our lessons from jumping out and scaring the crap out of folk who werent raised with it .. so what the hell does that leave ????