Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
so i kinda got the all clear from dr's but with qualifiers ... so it was more along the lines of ... we agree things look good but were not happy with the amount of cells so were taking another swipe at it before we say for sure ... and were going to do a "t something or other marker test (forget the name)" as well .... ohh well
other than that they did get my old records from my surgeon .. or rather they got some bizarre fictionalised account that only holds its hands up to a couple of procedures .. a diagnosis that pre dates the initiation of all the procedures .. and a rather odd finding on the cervix of the last procedure .. doubly odd cuz i didnt actually have a cervix by the last procedure so neat trick .. yay way to go ohio .. (that nearly as good as the reappearing "ovary" argument lol)
thankfully the fantasy doesnt make a difference to the follow up procedures so im set to go just it was just all very much anti climatic and in general rather disappointing though
latest update... they recalled me back whilst i was at the boys, wanted more tests and another ultra sound urrrgh
so phoned up to reschedule the appointment, thinking it'll be the usual 2 or 3 weeks... they want me in this wednesday two days hmmm.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
and im told im about to become a grandmother again ...
(but hush and keep your lips sealed cuz its a secret and im not allowed to tell any one, so naturally i decided if i wasnt allowed to tell any one id announce it on the world wide web instead)
iv never really been the overly affectionate sort ... even with my own kids, i mean yes it goes with out saying i loved them but i was never one for the gushy crap ... bonding time with my family was us all heading down to the dojo.
play time was either going out back and kicking the crap out of each other (no not like that... sparing training) or wrestling each other...
but now iv got these two ready made partially pregrown grand kids .. little lass and a little lad who are, of course, where im about to go stay for two weeks ... and they are expecting some sort of "grandma" to turn up ...
hmmmm IV GOT NO FRIGGING IDEA WHAT THE HELL IM MEANT TO DO
did i mention that with the exception of my own kids im one of those folks that dont actually like kids in general? .. dont get me wrong i dont actively dislike them (so long as they are behaved) i just for the most part dont understand the little buggers.. even when i was a kid myself i didnt understand the little sods.. they are kind of ok if they happen to be into art, music or martial arts it gives me a starting point but other than that i seriously am quite happy being no where near kids..
which is odd cuz the little buggers seem to love hanging about me ... (i think its because either they are the spawn of satan and actively seek out those that dont like them, or ..., they are like some sort miniature cult determined to "win" me over, .. or it could be because i talk to them pretty much the same way as i do to adults..... seriously why do people talk to kids like they are bloody mentally deficient???i hated that as a kid and dammed sure i wouldn't inflict it on one)
i have some dim recollections of my child hood of grey haired grannys with bags of sweets and a carpet bag full of "goodies"..
i seriously dont fit the bill on any accounts im guessing nowadays turning up with a bag of penny chews and the latest copy of a spiderman or beano comic is probably not the recipie fer success that it used to be so what the hell is the equivalent today???
now its all very well folk saying to me just be your self but .. iv got to pretend to be sane... be some sort of grandma creature .. ohh and above all remember to not fucking swear.. (or at least keep it to the minimum) my kids and i use the phrase "you little fucker" as a term of endearment ... im guessing that wouldnt go over very well with two partially pre grown grand kids .. and im kinda guessing that takeing them out back fer a good kicking wouldnt go over as well as it used to with my own kids either.. and weve all learned our lessons from jumping out and scaring the crap out of folk who werent raised with it .. so what the hell does that leave ????
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
the oddest thing has coincided... my bipolar has eased off down to less than half of what it was
now lets be clear on this .. i was one of those medication resistant types... i.e most the dammed meds on the market did bugger all for the bipolar and just left me feeling like hell... with the exception of lithium, when i first tried that it worked... unfortunately no one told me what it was like to "not" have bipolar and i thought waking up happy was a sign of insanity
now at first i thought it was the adrenal gland mass (because when it decides to go nuts i get the strangest fake panic attack sensations, which i thought could mean it could effect mood or certainly at least agitation) but the more i look into things the more likely i think its the thyroid one thats causing the change as their is already certain dr's and scientists that are beginning to connect/research thyroid function in respect to bipolar
There is a direct connection between thyroid disorder and bipolar symptoms but it has never been clearly determined what that connection is and why the thyroid hormones cause bipolar actions. The symptoms are similar since hyperthyroidism mimics bipolar behavior.
Friday, July 16, 2010
1. If you could spend the rest of your life doing only one thing, what would that be? writing best seller novels perhaps ;-) ? nah seriously finding a cure for bipolar (not for me so much as for those that dont want it) oh you meant things im actually capable of ?sleeping count?
3. What household chore is your least favorite? ill go with the all of them answers... other than that washing down my dragon collection is a massive pain in the ass damn things are dust magnets
(and here's some i made earlier)
(actually seeing as they are a flour/plaster mix can i use it for the baking question too i wonder)
4. If you could bring three things to a deserted island, what would they be? can the things be people? stephen fry for company and conversation johnny depp for something else entirely and a life time supply of paper.
if people dont count.. life time supply of coffee.. life time supply of smokes.. and the life time supply of paper
6. Post a current photo, if you wish to be elusive, and abstract of closeup will do just fine..... i hate my photo being taken i have very few snap shots my profile pic with the hat is about the most current..
(looking for a more recent one as we speak)
(dont suppose this is recent enough?)
8. If you could have ANY pet EVER, what/who would it be? Realistically? iv had so many odd pets its difficult to pick.. if the choice were to be one iv not yet owned .. a black panther
Unrealistically? a dragon
1. Who is your favorite musician/band and why? hmm my tastes are kinda varied and who i like pretty much depends on my mood... for overall versatility i guess id have to go with marillion... because no matter my mood they generally have something appropriate
3. What has been your biggest letdown lately?
4. Worse job you have ever had and why? sculpting "blanks" for a gardening company... hired me for creativity and imagination but kept wanting me to do bloody boring inane standard shit "ivy leaves? frigging ivy leaves and you kidding me???"
6. Guilty pleasures? Spill. buying art/craft supplies
7. The last argument you had with someone - what was it about? my fellas father... pretty much told him he was a pretentious, pompass over bearing bully, and a control freak who didnt scare me in the slightest
(i was nice enough to dedicated a poem to him though)
second pass over the horses ass
the bridge ruins lay bathed in darkness. dark shadows dance across the stagnant waters below.
crumbling stone fall into the shallows
splashing stank stains onto the horses ass carved into the stone
beyond the horizon the heather grows
awaiting the sunrise and all it bestows
free from refrain in the wind thats blown
and in the distance the sound of the solitary phone
(scratching your head?.. surname bridge)
8. What would be something you would NEVER do, even if someone paid you a shit ton of money? .... pretend to be some ones friend