Monday, July 26, 2010

official 5 year clear

as some reading this will know several years back i got diagnosed with cervical cancer (well ok it was yes you do, no you dont, yes you do, no you dont, depending on what current mood they were in, who's charts they were looking at, or how they threw the dart at the diagnosis board)

any way two years, one inept surgeon, bugger knows how many procedures (culminating in a hysterectomy) and one exploding ovary later, we finally chased it all down. during times like that you develop a rather sick sense of humor

now... i know iv been saying its officially 5 years that im cancer free ... 
(yes at some point they did make up their minds, the uterus screaming yes i am at them assisted their decision)
... but that was more along the lines of its been officially 5 years... on Tuesday its officially official.. that is dr approved, lab tested and sanctioned, totally free of cancer whoo hoo go home and party official... (dr peeked at slide and assured me its a sure bet)

now .. my idea to celebrate was a cake in the shape of a womb, possibly with a fire cracker placed in the ovary like a candle (figured it would b both symbolic and get the celebrations off with a bang)... i thought it was a cute idea...(and i figured we could cut into it with more precision and skill than the surgeon had)... my boys however think this might be a rather gross, sick "mum are you fucking insane!!!" kind of idea, siiigh no sense of fun huh,  
now given that 5 years ago i threatened them that i was going to bring the womb back in a pickle jar as a visual aid for a sex education talk with them, you'd of thought that they would be used to my sense of humor by now huh

yes, yes i know that would of been a rather traumatic sex ed talk .. but i figured if i scared them fer life i might not have to worry about unplanned grandchildren cuz it might possibly put them off of sex fer life ...

just imagine.

"so sons .. this is where your sperm enters the womb past this rather nibbled at cervix.. (yes that thing that looks like mice have been nibbling at the edges of ).. into this area .. the womb.. (yes sorry its partially decomposing and kinda necrotic but imagine it fresh)...any way, from here it starts its magical journey to find an egg.. which is released from here this ovary ..(well ok this bloody pulp that used to be an ovary) the egg travels down this fallopian tube (just kinda ignore the missing section, fer some reason she left part of the tube in me, were not sure why) any way.. around about here (in the missing part of the tube) the egg gets fertilized by your sperm then they travel down to this part of the womb .. see sons? look carefully.. do you see all that area there ??? boys come back im not finished the talk yet ... what are you doing with that bucket?... ohh do stop screaming"

needless to say i didnt follow through on the threat ... but i think it would of been really, really cool

their reaction to that idea was pretty much the same reaction as im getting to my cake idea ....

one even went so far as to suggest we have a nice cherry filled cake instead ... i didnt have heart to mention that a "cherry" cake was possibly even more wildly inappropriate than my idea was. (certainly not for a 5 year anniversary)

so what do you think best ? .. womb shaped cake with fire cracker ovary? .... or a plain cherry cake?


so i kinda got the all clear from dr's but with qualifiers ... so it was more along the lines of ... we agree things look good but were not happy with the amount of cells so were taking another swipe at it before we say for sure ... and were going to do a "t something or other marker test (forget the name)" as well .... ohh well

other than that they did get my old records from my surgeon .. or rather they got some bizarre fictionalised account that only holds its hands up to a couple of procedures .. a diagnosis that pre dates the initiation of all the procedures .. and a rather odd finding on the cervix of the last procedure .. doubly odd cuz i didnt actually have a cervix by the last procedure so neat trick .. yay way to go ohio .. (that nearly as good as the reappearing "ovary" argument lol)

thankfully the fantasy doesnt make a difference to the follow up procedures so im set to go just it was just all very much anti climatic and in general rather disappointing though

latest update... they recalled me back whilst i was at the boys, wanted more tests and another ultra sound urrrgh

so phoned up to reschedule the appointment, thinking it'll be the usual 2 or 3 weeks... they want me in this wednesday two days hmmm.


  1. It's your celebration, your victory...seems you should get to choose. :)

    Congrats btw!

  2. you could fill a small red balloon w/ cherry syrup or such, and use that - but it'd still be too much for the kids... so settle for the cherry topped cheesecake...
    and smile

  3. lol and ewww ;-) i do like that idea ... a total theme party in the offing perhaps

  4. thanking thee kate :-) do i carve you a slice ? ;-)

  5. Congratulations. Womb shaped cake for me please.

    Love the sex ed, had me laughing but yes disguisting!

  6. i think it would of worked well though as a basic concept ;-) lol.... on the other hand i wouldnt of had my new grand son and one soon to be so possibly just as well i didnt follow through huh ;-)

  7. Congrats on being cancer-free!

    And congrats for totally killing my appetite for cherry (or strawberry) cheesecake for the rest of my living days...

    -French Bean

  8. lol your welcome ;-) just think of the extra calories youll be saveing now :-)
    p.s can i have your share of them from now on then?