happy all hallows eve

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being this special time of year thought id better shift my ass into gear

and instead of finishing off drafts that i have in the works
(am i the only one that does that starts them off then never gets around to finishing and posting? )
i thought id give you a suitably "macabre" posting

i just had to share two tunes that no Halloween is complete with out hearing
and of course me being me a couple of poems i wrote years ago
(hope you enjoy)

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ALL HALLOWS EVE

As nights dark veil draws across the land
Your life’s timer runs out of rushing sand
All that crawl, or creep, or fly
Are aiming for your soul, as night goes bye

Night’s dark creatures that feast on fear
Preying on terror and a child's tear
Arise the dead and all celebrate
Devour the living till your hunger does abate

Flaccid, festering, flesh hangs incomplete
As decayed, animated corpses shuffle on rotting feet
Their foul putrid stench fills your lungs full
Tonight is the night for the dead to rule

As they seek to find you their prey
Will you make it to another day?
Hide with your covers tight over your head
If you think that will stop the advance of the dead

If they don’t succeed in feasting on your soul
Other night’s creatures might eat you whole
As hell erupts for this night alone
Are you safe hiding in your home?

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Come forth terror

Come forth fear
Come forth anarchy

Its that time of year

Bring death
Bring fetid breath

Bring pestilence and poison

Bring unrest”

Vampires, ghosts, ghouls, complete

Werewolf’s, zombies, hells hounds to meet

Witches warlocks secure to walk the land

Marching with the will of the devils hand

All screaming and searching for your soul alone

Do you really think they wont visit your home?

They hunger for your company

To tear you between them to have you for tea

so

Come forth terror

Come forth fear

Come forth anarchy

Its that time of year

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you know i never could decide if those two were actually just one poem or not... they seem to be able to be read both separately and as a continuation

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as some of you know i have been.. kinda sorta when ever i get around to it working on this painting in a half arsed non productive manner...

(sorry for the poor lighting)

any way shes propped in my living room awaiting her finishing touches...

(hmm that sounds vaguely pornographic huh)

as any thats been following know she will be as per designed holding a rose

but

i dont know if its the time of year or if i have some deep seated issue that needs worked through... but every time i pass the damn thing and catch her out of the corner of my eye i keep imagining this

perhaps its a threat for if i dont finish her soon ;-)
got to say that the creepiest thing is .. i actually kinda like the idea

so whats i been doing instead of blogging?

err i guess there would be no great surprise in telling you iv been up to my ears in paint

 for latest updates on my art click here

iv written some poetry too

to see that click here

and i got back into designing board games

mainly because ... well ... i was bored and it seemed appropriate way to kill time

(yes awful pun i know)

 perhaps ill post a pic of that later

ohh and did i ever mention i was designing a dragon

a fully articulated one using a program called blender

(wire frame environment)

yes hes a little basic for now but hes still a baby

as time goes on and i learn more about the program he will get a little more detailed

(forgive the awkward pose for now poetic poses will come later this is simply the easiest pose to design him around)

iv used blender briefly in the past to very basically and crudely alter objects.

and the computer nearly melted at the effort of doing just that

but this is my first try at creating from scratch and certainly my first go at adding the ability to pose

most folk learn using a ginger bread man

...

(a screen shot of said ginger bread man posted by some one on yahoo)

but i figured sod it if im going to learn ill do it with something that will hold my interest

now im not designing him with a view to animation, i want him as a model for painting or for use in comp gen art.

and yes im aware the frame is a mess but.. i tried smoothing it out and didnt like it .. i prefer the craggy look

now .. experienced users of the program would of gotten this far in their design in less than an hour

but so far its taken me forever

im not going to tell you how many days it took me to get this far because you would laugh

but ohh well im a newbie ill get better as i go on

for now though

we need to give him a name

(answers on a self addressed postcard to blog answers.com ;-)

and yes hes seeing an orthodontist today

i was busy adding the teeth last time i was working on him

not yet finished shaping them and positioning them

all of which as im sure you can easily conclude means ... yep im still getting hit by a fair few mini manic phases

and damned useful they are too

i have some good news to share too but that my dears is another post ;-)

why redirected?

so........
figured my main blog was was getting a little "cluttered" so decided to start "chopping" it up into little bits dealing with the separate issues... that way you guys can "follow" only the bits your interested in

my "main blog"
 http://exper-e-mental.blogspot.com/
dedicated to bipolar... and my life in general
 (and currently is where most my followers are)

my "poetry blog"

http://wid0wsweb.blogspot.com/ just what it says on the label ;-)

or my


"arts and crafts blog"

http://mitch-arts.blogspot.com/  dealing with ... surprise surprise arts crafts and anything in my life dealing with such matters

so back to bipolar

its been a rather interesting week of messed up sleep a roller coaster of highs and lows and manic flurrys of periodic activity... all of which resulted in me not really blogging .. well beyond the art updates any way .. and the occasional poem .. but im not sure they count do they???

not sure whether to refer to this week as rapid cycle or rabid cycle

so what set this all off ?

hmm well .. bipolar does not actually need a reason but.........

actually the art may of set off the coaster, it frequently does .. or is it just a case that art is the first symptom .. who the hell knows

the fact he lost his job a little over a month ago may of set the ball rolling ... but really cant say iv been feeling to stressed about things so far... he was fairly quick on the ball to apply for unemployment as a "just in case measure" and bizarrely enough living standards actually went up a notch or two.

 (due in part to thankfully paid off his family for the "help" from the last bout of unemployment)

did tell him if he asked for "help" again hes on his own im out of here...

actions have consequences... plan or deal with the consequences... if that means homelessness tough

(that is not to say im out of here if trouble hits.. merely deal with it together with out outside assistance {unemployment doesnt count as outside assistance because he pays into the system for that, so that is foresight})

yes some times shit happens that is beyond our control, or beyond foreseeable in which case he may ask my boys for help (depending on the circumstances) and hope to hell they are in a position to "put us up" at their place should it come to that.. (but id much rather just go camp out somewhere. iv started from scratch before and can do so again, possession's apart from a few sentimental memorabilia are just unimportant trappings that can be regained over time)

call me old fashioned but "help" is a voluntary matter and should not come with an expectation of the ability to command a person what to wear, what not to wear, how to talk, think, what to like, what xmas gifts you should be considering, what you deem important in your partner, how frequently you can see your own family, what brand of things to buy (regardless of the fact you know a cheaper or more appropriate option),  nor should it be an excuse to demean, talk down to, or insult in any fashion you choose...

my boys thankfully are not like that

but

there are way to many people nowadays that only seem to want to help people out as a means of making them self feel superior, a way of putting folk down and or lording over and controlling them. much safer not to run that gauntlet, yes a debt of gratitude is afforded for help, but its not an excuse for all of the above

any way i digress...

other possible reasons for the rabid cycle....

well actually returning from my trip to the boys could of been a trigger too... parting is not a sweet sorrow its a gut wrenching hell

hmm sleep.... symptom or trigger do you think ... could be either or both really

on the bright side i did get fairly far on my paintings, on the bad side iv been really crap at "helping" my latest victim...

you see we had a deal when we got together ..

there was aspects about ourselves that we really didnt like and we both wanted to "improve", to eradicate the traits we didnt like.. not in each other you understand but in our self... i wanted to work on my "hermiting", assertion (seemed like good idea given previous relationships) and motivation ... hahaha lmbo .. i really did well with that huh

 not ... (and yes i plan to work on other stuff later)

and my latest victim? holy shit he came out with a whole goddamned list of shit he wanted to change... and i thought i was manic from time to time,his list was mania central,

i cant even write out the list in here its so damned long.

i think he basically wanted to reinvent himself from the ground up, suggestions of possibly starting with one or two aspects were not met with any enthusiasm i guess hes a kinda all or nothing kinda fella

any way the plan was to gently encourage, use positive reinforcement, point out to each other when we were back sliding, and hell if the occasion demanded it nag, bitch, and use every trick in the goddamned book to help each other on our paths. (this according to some apparently makes me an evil bitch... not sure why. i always thought partners should help each other achieve their goals but oh well each to their own)

so several years down the road...

my latest victim has

improved his self image.

improved his appearance (most of the time)

has become more responsible

more determined and motivated

used more forsite

is better at handling money

has a vastly improved empathy

overcame the bigotry he was raised with

shit the list goes on and on pretty much everything on his list hes been steadily improving over the years

my great achievement

errrr

ummm

ahhhh

well im more apt to talk to strangers now does that count?

and i let him drag me out the house at least once every two weeks for shopping

well in my defence i do occasional suggest a trip out ... ok its once in a blue moon but its something isnt it?....

ok iv done shit on my list... happy now?

can i just put his improvements and my failures down to me being a better nagger than him????

what do you mean no???

any way todays blog is in the main to make up for my lack in this matter lately ...

through the art my heads been rammed up my own backside...

or rather the paintings backside would be more to the point.

and iv not been ..

handling or supervising the money as i promised

(possibly just as well with the manias) although i got to say hes been doing just fine and not really blown anything on crap.. (i cant say the same he took me shopping whilst manic haha shit bad bad wid0w.. so 30 quid of assorted icecream, cookies, cakes and so forth later he finally put his foot down lol, ohh i got him a suit too but it was a very cheap one and he needs one every fella should have a suit... can i claim that as assistance to his improving his appearance???oh and i use a lame excuse that if im pushing to socialise i need a decent new dress)

every thing hes done lately iv pretty much just looked up from the canvas and said ohh thank you honey well done much appreciated etc

im supposed to tell him if i think he gave it his all or can do better but iv not really been giving that any thought.

he was ironing his outfit for an interview the other day i did say i was impressed but thats about as far as iv gone encouraging him or fulfilling my side of the bargain, so i feel kinda bad

so id like to make a point of saying ... well done your doing great ... keep up the good work ... you really dont seem to be suffering of late with my lack of encouragement, nagging and so forth.... you seem to be applying yourself well, you seem motivated, your appearance (beyond the need to shave more) fits the occasions demands,  ohh and you seem to of gotten to grips with budgeting... in fact id call our pact off now cuz it would appear that you can take it from here on your own .... but im so crap at working on my shit i still need the pact ;-) or a stick of dynamite which ever is most likly to get me out and about more

siiiigh another failure from me.. or is that just the down side of me talking?

any way his efforts of "self improvment" are inspirational even if they dont seem to be inspireing me to get to grips with my list very much

more insanity

so

as you know iv been kinda lost within the realms of painting

being bipolar this means iv got several underway and i pretty much hop between them all

bit here bit there... variously enjoying my self, and totally trashing the house

(no not out of temper tantrums when one doesnt go the way i want, just general mess with paint cans drop cloths and so forth which im too busy painting to pick up,)

the "living room" is currently in the process of being buried under several "drying" canvases....

the "dinning area" is basically covered in a giant drop cloth and looks like a bad accident in a paint factory

ahhh but the bed room is clear i hear you say? well no, i live in an efficiency apartment

(i like the price and generally when im not painting its small enough for me to keep moderately tidy no matter how my health is on any given week),

we do though have a bedroom sized alcove  .. however i ran out of floor and table space so currently the bed is also drop clothed and im sprawled across it painting "fine detail"

so....

whoo hoo yea im one of the few woman thats actually had stephen fry in bed with her :-) well on the bed at least..

and if that werent enough..... due to the fact im

1 a hermit,

2 its just my latest victim and me here,

3 paint is pain in the ass or impossible to get out of clothes

4 ok 3 is just an excuse cuz i just like padding about my place nude.... but 3 it still is kinda valid

5 ohh and my new great excuse our A/C is busted

any way that all means not only do i got stephen fry in/on bed with me but i be only in my birthday suit too .... poor fella lol

(just as well he dont read this... poor sod would be blushing to his roots ;-) )

so....

nude with stephen is ok ...

but ...

nude with "portrait of pain" not so hot....

(still have some ways to go on this yet)

you see... this particular one requires mini barbed wire,

 which i constructed sitting cross legged on my bed.... however there was a bit of bad news......

im kinda absent minded so i kinda laid it aside then promptly forgot where

good news .... i found it

bad news ..... as barbed wire, mini or not, it really really works well .. "ouch"

so i can really accurately report that making mini barbed wire is in fact a pain in the ass
and i have the punctures and scratches to prove it

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having poured my heart and soul and many, many, (wo)man hours into

the paintings im working on now ... such as ..,

please bear in mind these are works in progress

as well of course as the main (kinda when i can b bothered) project of

yea hes not looking so hot again .. ohh well

i will fix him

any way i decided after all the frustrating heart felt hours of painting to "mess around"

with a foil technique

which was simply tearing up foil slapping it on a board, and then throwing torn up tissue over it, then messing about with some pastel and varnish.. 

closer to kinder garden than high art lol

kinda no brainer quickly, lets pass time and give the brain a rest, just have fun, sorta thing

anyway including the time spent a drying couple hours of messing resulted in ...

this

which my latest victim quickly proclaimed as his favourite "piece" that i was working on

W.T.F

hours and hours of blood, sweat, tears, frustration spent on the others

meaning hidden in every weave of the canvas,every careful application of the paint, the shading

thought out from every angle, and the care in the composition

and yer favourite is ....

basically

the trash left over from making from last weeks turkey, and the contents of shoebox

 

what can i say

you

PHILISTINE

lmbo ...

nah im glad he likes it but sheeese lol

times i just want to pack up my paints and call it a draw on art (no pun intended)

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So

After flogging myself over the fact i hated the direction stephens pic was going

i pretty much reworked the entire facial paint layer using oil paint and pastel

then blending them in

this resulted in this.....

p.s ..

no i wasnt reenacting g a scene from the da vinci code and breaking out the barbed wire from earlier,

i was purely and only mentally flogging myself and howling at my own inadequacy's... i think it did the trick though i figure its improved vastly