more insanity

so

as you know iv been kinda lost within the realms of painting

being bipolar this means iv got several underway and i pretty much hop between them all

bit here bit there... variously enjoying my self, and totally trashing the house

(no not out of temper tantrums when one doesnt go the way i want, just general mess with paint cans drop cloths and so forth which im too busy painting to pick up,)

the "living room" is currently in the process of being buried under several "drying" canvases....

the "dinning area" is basically covered in a giant drop cloth and looks like a bad accident in a paint factory

ahhh but the bed room is clear i hear you say? well no, i live in an efficiency apartment

(i like the price and generally when im not painting its small enough for me to keep moderately tidy no matter how my health is on any given week),

we do though have a bedroom sized alcove  .. however i ran out of floor and table space so currently the bed is also drop clothed and im sprawled across it painting "fine detail"

so....

whoo hoo yea im one of the few woman thats actually had stephen fry in bed with her :-) well on the bed at least..

and if that werent enough..... due to the fact im

1 a hermit,

2 its just my latest victim and me here,

3 paint is pain in the ass or impossible to get out of clothes

4 ok 3 is just an excuse cuz i just like padding about my place nude.... but 3 it still is kinda valid

5 ohh and my new great excuse our A/C is busted

any way that all means not only do i got stephen fry in/on bed with me but i be only in my birthday suit too .... poor fella lol

(just as well he dont read this... poor sod would be blushing to his roots ;-) )

so....

nude with stephen is ok ...

but ...

nude with "portrait of pain" not so hot....

(still have some ways to go on this yet)

you see... this particular one requires mini barbed wire,

 which i constructed sitting cross legged on my bed.... however there was a bit of bad news......

im kinda absent minded so i kinda laid it aside then promptly forgot where

good news .... i found it

bad news ..... as barbed wire, mini or not, it really really works well .. "ouch"

so i can really accurately report that making mini barbed wire is in fact a pain in the ass
and i have the punctures and scratches to prove it

##################################

having poured my heart and soul and many, many, (wo)man hours into

the paintings im working on now ... such as ..,

please bear in mind these are works in progress

as well of course as the main (kinda when i can b bothered) project of

yea hes not looking so hot again .. ohh well

i will fix him

any way i decided after all the frustrating heart felt hours of painting to "mess around"

with a foil technique

which was simply tearing up foil slapping it on a board, and then throwing torn up tissue over it, then messing about with some pastel and varnish.. 

closer to kinder garden than high art lol

kinda no brainer quickly, lets pass time and give the brain a rest, just have fun, sorta thing

anyway including the time spent a drying couple hours of messing resulted in ...

this

which my latest victim quickly proclaimed as his favourite "piece" that i was working on

W.T.F

hours and hours of blood, sweat, tears, frustration spent on the others

meaning hidden in every weave of the canvas,every careful application of the paint, the shading

thought out from every angle, and the care in the composition

and yer favourite is ....

basically

the trash left over from making from last weeks turkey, and the contents of shoebox

 

what can i say

you

PHILISTINE

lmbo ...

nah im glad he likes it but sheeese lol

times i just want to pack up my paints and call it a draw on art (no pun intended)

###################################

So

After flogging myself over the fact i hated the direction stephens pic was going

i pretty much reworked the entire facial paint layer using oil paint and pastel

then blending them in

this resulted in this.....

p.s ..

no i wasnt reenacting g a scene from the da vinci code and breaking out the barbed wire from earlier,

i was purely and only mentally flogging myself and howling at my own inadequacy's... i think it did the trick though i figure its improved vastly

i loved this

i just had to share this animation it was so inspired

here is something else i thought was wonderfully creative this time within the realms of reality

So Sausages

WARNING ... if any of my kids are watching ya may want to look away ... WARNING

WARNING .. some shit you really dont want to think about in context to yer mother .. WARNING

( my son insists i now add warnings ;-) i think the vibrator in the draw blog shocked him)

yea i know in theory i should be talking bout the actual visit with my boys this blog, but i first just had to share this instead....

so saying that

when i was visiting with my boys

they took me to a specialty store

with lots and lots of all the U.K goodies i really miss

of course the prices were bloody extortionate

so i thought sod it ...

why arent i making my own.

sausages cant be that damned difficult after all

can they?

and pork pies ..... hmmmm droooool

and so upon return to texas i set out to find

sausage casing

(yes i am aware what its made of but id rather not think about that, casing sounds so much nicer)

it didnt take too long to realize that asking around the shops for sausage skins, whilst apparently humorous to some of the store owner's, was possibly not the best way to find them

so i decided it was entirely less embarrassing to just order them online

now my latest victim gets nervous about me experimenting

(with food)

 i think the storys about what i used to add to hubbys food might be the reason for this 

so i told him that yea sure id made sausages before...

"but it's been ages since i had stuffed a sausage"

unfortunately i chose to tell him this in the middle of a rather packed store.. much to the amusement of the other customers

so after escaping the giggles and stares of the other shoppers

we picked up the ingredients

SO

the casing arrives a few days later

now its bad enough thinking about what this stuff really is...

but...

when you tip it out of the packet it looks like a giant fucking tapeworm pile ... ewwwwwww

and its all salt encrusted which really doesnt add to its appeal

apparently you have to soak this stuff for half an hour... this should make it at least look better huh

no way

now it just looks like an undulating living worm

and when you touch it ....

it feels like a used condom

ewwwwwww

next part of this rather disgusting process

the stuffing

not having a sausage stuffing machine /device/ implement

(stop giggling)

i rummaged around the house fer an appropriate substitute whilst the casing (yes dammit casing i refuse to acknowledge what it is)  is soaking

a handy bottle of the right diameter

(about 1 and a half inches)

was conscripted and adapted

(ends lopped off unceremoniously)

there now we have a stuffing sleeve/tube/shaft of about 4 inches long

(damnit im not going to tell you again stop giggling)

now to get the casing on to it

O.M.G

so there i am in the kitchen sliding this 10 ft used condom appearing casing onto the sleeve/shaft/tube... using a hand motion that could of been described as erotic had it not been for the 10 ft of used condom that was involved

well thats the worst it could get right?

hell no

10 ft of used condom looking casing threaded on to a 4 inch sleeve/shaft/tube

has the appearance of a certain part of the anatomy from my last hubby were i to kick him out into the snow naked in the middle of winter.

the limp tied off end really does nothing to the whole image 

swallowing down my disgust i grasp the shaft firmly

(stop it)

and grab a hand full of stuffing mix with my free hand

i start ramming it (the stuffing) into the tube, it begins to extrude

now its starting to look like all that hand action gave it a hard on

 this is at least an improvement on the used condom look

after about 6 inches of sausage had emerged

(do i have to send you out of the room)

 i twisted the loose skin/casing

sharply and tightly, i couldnt help but smirk ... it was even more satisfying when i snipped the sausage off from the rest of the skin with a nice pair of sharp sterile scissors

yay my first sausage

i shaped it
(resisting the urge to mould a head onto it)

and then pricked it

(stop sniggering)

and set it aside

several sausages later i had the makings of a meal ;-)

mashed potatoes, bbq beans, lashings of onion gravy

trying desperately to not think on

A what the skin was

and

B the entire damned process of production

it was, in all, a very satisfying feast

it was rather unfortunate timing however when my latest victim decided to get frisky and romantic after the meal

there i was stroking his pride and joy ready for some foreplay 

when... 

i couldnt help but compare it to a sausage in size and shape

although he did, i admit, compare favourable both in size and girth

pushing the days exploits in the kitchen from my mind i attempted to focused on the task at hand

unfortunately

as i grasped him firm in my palm and started to gently, seductively slide my fingers along his shaft

i kept getting flash images of threading the 10 ft used condom onto the shaft....

whilst he was making little moaning sounds of appreciation

i was trying desperately to stifling alternating giggles and thoughts of ewwww

(of the process of sausage stuffing not at his appendage i hasten to add)

well that was my day how was yours?

sausages any one???

the wanderer returns

the wanderer returns

the whole break/holiday was fairly eventful, and very much like a roller coaster.

some good, some bad, some down right scary, and lots and lots of rum

(pretty sure my boys think that i should consider being an alcoholic or something and seemed determined to assist me on that path)

the journey

so the journey there...swallowing down any anti social inclinations and social phobic tendency's i embarked on 21 hours of mildly torturous hell

involving 19 hours of some uncontrolled brat spitting chewing gum over the seat and kicking the back of my seat every 5 mins... i was contemplating on whether any one would notice if i threw the little shit down into the cesspit of the on board restroom and left her in there till the end of the journey...

 but figured nah id better not... was very much relieved when they got (or were possibly were ejected) off the bus...hmmmm ejected now theres a thought.

bizarrely enough, for me, i resisted the urge to pretend to be invisible

and actually did get to talking to some of the fellow passengers during the various stop overs.

there was the usual banter, occasional flirting (always flattering to the ego) and no one appeared to notice the nervous tic im sure i must of developed whilst struggling with the urge to strangle the child sitting behind me

the last two hours of the trip were pleasantly spent in an attempt to see how long i could hold my breath, due to the fact that amongst the next boarding passengers some one evidently allergic to soap, water and toothpaste got on, and of course decided to sit next to me AAAAAAAAAArrRrrrghHhh.... seriously the entire back of the bus was gagging from the stench this person emanated... 

i swear, to any Deity of your choice, their odour was so strong it had its own personality's and really should of required several seats of its very own... it didnt cling to its owner it got up and roamed around on its own, this funk was so strong it was mugging and beating up the rest of the passengers. (throwing this one in the cess pit could only of improved the general stench)

thankfully i had plenty of deodorant

which i liberally sprayed into my hat (ensuring that some over spray went off into their direction) and promptly and discreetly as possible used it as a gas mask

(adopting the pose of the sleeping cowboy, hat over face to block out the light kinda thing)...

at one point they got up for the restroom and i snatched out the deodorant and sprayed it damn near until it was empty all over their chair (much applause from the remaining conscious passengers that had not, as of yet, been knocked out into blissful unconsciousness after being mugged by the odour)

 i had hoped it might counteract the homicidal odour the passenger emitted... i had however erred in my calculations of its strength ... after a brief extreme martial arts match the odour won

and the deodorant ran off whimpering in defeat with its tail between its legs.

and then finally the journey was over i had survived... and there was the shining beam of hope grinning from ear to ear... son number two ... but that, im afraid, my little chickadees is a whole other blog