the wanderer returns

the wanderer returns

the whole break/holiday was fairly eventful, and very much like a roller coaster.

some good, some bad, some down right scary, and lots and lots of rum

(pretty sure my boys think that i should consider being an alcoholic or something and seemed determined to assist me on that path)

the journey

so the journey there...swallowing down any anti social inclinations and social phobic tendency's i embarked on 21 hours of mildly torturous hell

involving 19 hours of some uncontrolled brat spitting chewing gum over the seat and kicking the back of my seat every 5 mins... i was contemplating on whether any one would notice if i threw the little shit down into the cesspit of the on board restroom and left her in there till the end of the journey...

 but figured nah id better not... was very much relieved when they got (or were possibly were ejected) off the bus...hmmmm ejected now theres a thought.

bizarrely enough, for me, i resisted the urge to pretend to be invisible

and actually did get to talking to some of the fellow passengers during the various stop overs.

there was the usual banter, occasional flirting (always flattering to the ego) and no one appeared to notice the nervous tic im sure i must of developed whilst struggling with the urge to strangle the child sitting behind me

the last two hours of the trip were pleasantly spent in an attempt to see how long i could hold my breath, due to the fact that amongst the next boarding passengers some one evidently allergic to soap, water and toothpaste got on, and of course decided to sit next to me AAAAAAAAAArrRrrrghHhh.... seriously the entire back of the bus was gagging from the stench this person emanated... 

i swear, to any Deity of your choice, their odour was so strong it had its own personality's and really should of required several seats of its very own... it didnt cling to its owner it got up and roamed around on its own, this funk was so strong it was mugging and beating up the rest of the passengers. (throwing this one in the cess pit could only of improved the general stench)

thankfully i had plenty of deodorant

which i liberally sprayed into my hat (ensuring that some over spray went off into their direction) and promptly and discreetly as possible used it as a gas mask

(adopting the pose of the sleeping cowboy, hat over face to block out the light kinda thing)...

at one point they got up for the restroom and i snatched out the deodorant and sprayed it damn near until it was empty all over their chair (much applause from the remaining conscious passengers that had not, as of yet, been knocked out into blissful unconsciousness after being mugged by the odour)

 i had hoped it might counteract the homicidal odour the passenger emitted... i had however erred in my calculations of its strength ... after a brief extreme martial arts match the odour won

and the deodorant ran off whimpering in defeat with its tail between its legs.

and then finally the journey was over i had survived... and there was the shining beam of hope grinning from ear to ear... son number two ... but that, im afraid, my little chickadees is a whole other blog