do we dare to dream?

so ...

time i think for another bi polar post

(not a rant i hasten to add)

bipolar and its effects on art

the first and most direct effect of bipolar on art is i think we can all agree is

medication

this is a topic that comes up fairly frequently and is one that has most artists/creative types at logger heads

with their Dr's/Psychiatrist

most artists will tell you that they feel the medication will hamper the creative process and significantly impair if not  kill inspiration,

in general they reach this conclusion through observing other artists both on and off meds and their resulting pieces,

by talking to other artists and asking how they feel it effects their art

and of course through personal experience

most psychiatrists will tell you that they do not think medication harms the production of art in any way

many going even further and laying claim to it improving the process

they come to this conclusion by ... well most of them don't say

some of them cite working with many other artists and claim they continue to paint successfully

i think some of this disparity of view comes from the difference between technical proficiency and inspiration
(most psychiatrists don't seem to know there is a difference)

whilst meds
(so long as they are not to zombie extent) 
do not actually impair the technical ability to paint a proficient piece
(what i call the pretty paintings)

there is in our eyes a huge difference between
a pretty well executed painting
and
a painting filled with inspiration
one that has the ability to speak to you ,
not in a psychotic way of commanding you to burn burn burn, but in the manner of being able to evoke a strong emotional reaction with in the viewer

another less explored effect bipolar has on art and one that i think affects me the most

comes from the training
to guard against mood swings

from a very early point in diagnosis we are taught manic highs bad, (lots of fun but very very bad)

euphoria = danger

delusions of grandeur = the evil of all evils
(allow your self to succumb to it and chances are you'll be deciding to fly off the nearest tall building, because hey you can do anything )

along with struggling to keep the lows in tight reign we are also taught that its imperative to keep just as tight reign (if not tighter) on the highs

after all lose control of a low and you might end up dead

lose control of a high however and the results can be far more wide ranging and dire,
destroying the lives of those you care about,
landing you in jail,
life savings blown,
homelessness
and so on

were taught that one of the warning signs of an approaching high is over confidence,
the belief that we have the ability,
skill set to do things which we are not in actual fact capable of doing.
it is emphasised time and time again,
drummed into us that we must on no account give in to this.
in effect we are
taught,
trained,
and
berated
into continually questioning our own abilities and if they are merely a perceived delusion or an actual ability  

which for a lot of things is a fairly good tactic

carpentry for instance
can be quickly decided between delusion or ability
by the amount of blood resulting in constructing a piece of furniture,
if it stands to the test of time,
and if the resulting furniture is safe
(sharp exposed nail and chances are your within the realms of delusion rather than ability)

where as flying

can be fairly easily written off as a delusion

art however is subjective,
success does not necessarily come with talent,
(in large most success is achieved through p.r or knowing the right folk)

many with out talent can be highly successful
if they move in the right circles

and many with huge amounts of talent never manage to achieve success in their own life time

so how do you actually distinguish from delusion or talent ... dare you dream that you are actually any good? or must you guard against delusions of grandeur?

sales?
...
well no as mentioned lost of crappy talentless paintings sell, often for large amounts of money

people telling us they like what we paint?
...
nope because folk are often surprisingly kind, biased, or feel as though your so lacking in self confidence so much they need to boost it for you. besides they might be as delusional as we are..
(not to mention the flip side of that folk can also be amazing cruel, jealous or just mean spirited)

can we boil it down to figures?
if we can produce that which around three quarters of folk can not... does that equate to talent?
...
not really because some of the three quarters might be so full of self doubt they don't try there by messing with the figures,and even if you can produce something others cant how do you tell the difference between mediocrity and true talent?

so
whether we have talent or not we are left in this limbo of hoping we have talent but not daring to dream and take it to the next level in case its just dangerouse delusions of grandeur

how does depression affect your creative spirit?

and do you find treatment enhances your creativity or impairs it ?

on an interesting side note...

you

(if you have read my blog before)

have seen me comment on the possibility of a link between thyroid/adrenal glands and bipolar

given that since the mass's turned up there has been a huge decrease of my bipolar

both in severity and frequency,

i think it may also bear pointing out that there has also been a decrease in inspiration

not a cessation merely a huge decrease

happy all hallows eve

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being this special time of year thought id better shift my ass into gear

and instead of finishing off drafts that i have in the works
(am i the only one that does that starts them off then never gets around to finishing and posting? )
i thought id give you a suitably "macabre" posting

i just had to share two tunes that no Halloween is complete with out hearing
and of course me being me a couple of poems i wrote years ago
(hope you enjoy)

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ALL HALLOWS EVE

As nights dark veil draws across the land
Your life’s timer runs out of rushing sand
All that crawl, or creep, or fly
Are aiming for your soul, as night goes bye

Night’s dark creatures that feast on fear
Preying on terror and a child's tear
Arise the dead and all celebrate
Devour the living till your hunger does abate

Flaccid, festering, flesh hangs incomplete
As decayed, animated corpses shuffle on rotting feet
Their foul putrid stench fills your lungs full
Tonight is the night for the dead to rule

As they seek to find you their prey
Will you make it to another day?
Hide with your covers tight over your head
If you think that will stop the advance of the dead

If they don’t succeed in feasting on your soul
Other night’s creatures might eat you whole
As hell erupts for this night alone
Are you safe hiding in your home?

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Come forth terror

Come forth fear
Come forth anarchy

Its that time of year

Bring death
Bring fetid breath

Bring pestilence and poison

Bring unrest”

Vampires, ghosts, ghouls, complete

Werewolf’s, zombies, hells hounds to meet

Witches warlocks secure to walk the land

Marching with the will of the devils hand

All screaming and searching for your soul alone

Do you really think they wont visit your home?

They hunger for your company

To tear you between them to have you for tea

so

Come forth terror

Come forth fear

Come forth anarchy

Its that time of year

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you know i never could decide if those two were actually just one poem or not... they seem to be able to be read both separately and as a continuation

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as some of you know i have been.. kinda sorta when ever i get around to it working on this painting in a half arsed non productive manner...

(sorry for the poor lighting)

any way shes propped in my living room awaiting her finishing touches...

(hmm that sounds vaguely pornographic huh)

as any thats been following know she will be as per designed holding a rose

but

i dont know if its the time of year or if i have some deep seated issue that needs worked through... but every time i pass the damn thing and catch her out of the corner of my eye i keep imagining this

perhaps its a threat for if i dont finish her soon ;-)
got to say that the creepiest thing is .. i actually kinda like the idea